a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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