I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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