my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He has the fingertips of a God
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
