I just saw a hot homeless man
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
