you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
