I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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