guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
