my mouth tastes like poor choices
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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