I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
