nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
