you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
