I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
