all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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