Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
