did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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