well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
