Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
