The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
