i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
