Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
