I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
