Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
