that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
