Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
