and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
