Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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