If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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