Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
