i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
