I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
