i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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