I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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