He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
