marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
