So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
