it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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