Fuck appropriateness.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
