Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
