carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
