Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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