he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
