Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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