Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
