Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
