at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
