Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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