I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
