he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
