He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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