I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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