you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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