do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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