You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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