I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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