we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
