Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
