i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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