is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
