Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
