I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
