How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
