I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
