How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
