it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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