he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
