I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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