If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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