i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
