At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
