Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
