Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
