It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We're too hungover to prance.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
