just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize