I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
