Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
