Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
