my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
