forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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