there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
