she woke up with a sticky ear
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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