guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
