The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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