I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
