i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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