I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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