even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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