so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am one with the molecules
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
