dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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